FAQs for Friends
Being trusted with someone’s coming out is a gift. Here’s what that moment can sound like, and how to show up for them afterward.
What might it sound like when a friend comes out to me?
Do you remember the thing that I wanted to tell you the other day? Well, do you still want to know? I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell you.
I’m gay. And yes, I can’t do anything about it. Okay, are you still there? Good, I had to tell you one day. I couldn’t hide it from you anymore; it became too heavy a burden for me to bear.
You’re my best friend and the only person I could tell. I’m sure you’re thinking “why do I have a friend like this, why don’t I have a friend who is normal?” And well, I can tell you it’s because you’re a great person, someone I trust a lot.
Before I knew you, I would never have thought of revealing my secret to anyone. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time but was afraid of your reaction. Believe me, it is not at all easy to live like this. I am again at that stage of asking myself why am I in this world if I have to live a hidden life.
Why me? I’m not in any hurry for my parents to find out – such disappointment it’ll be for them. And there’s not one day where I don’t think about my homosexuality, my future with my family, and the rest. It pains me. Please, don’t be angry with me.
How do I understand where I'm coming from?
- Understand your own feelings about LGBTQ issues.
- Understand why you feel it's important to support your LGBTQ friends.
- Understand how heterosexism and homophobia affect both gay people and straight people.
- Understand your social location, prejudices and privileges.
How do I learn more, without putting it all on my friend?
- Learn more about the LGBTQ community.
- Talk with friends informally and openly about LGBTQ events or issues in the news or in movies.
- Critically consider media presentations of LGBTQ issues and write the appropriate parties with complaints, suggestions or praise
- Understand your social location, prejudices and privileges.
What should I say, and not say?
- Use inclusive language like “partner” or “date.”
- Don't “out” people unless given permission to do so.
- Don't make assumptions — ask about things you don't understand.
What do I do when I hear a joke, slur or myth about gay people?
- Interrupt, confront or react to heterosexist or homophobic jokes, slurs, comments or assumptions — privately or publicly.
- Provide correct information when you hear myths and misperceptions about gay people.
How do I keep showing up after this conversation?
- Participate in LGBTQ events and campaigns.
- Stay close to your LGBTQ friends – they need your support.